Brain Explosions

A lot of things happen in your head when you are being sufocated. Too much quiet time, too much brain time, too much freaking out. The circles your brain goes in make things imposible. My mind strives for some kind of out put and outlet, but there are always hurdles and some of them cant be jumped.

I am learning that theres not much to me. I feel like I fell behind somewhere, and in searching to not miss a thing I missed it all.

One of Pausl favorite stories about me is that when I was in kindergarten my class had a field trip to the pumpkin patch. I was so excited to go that I got the butterflies in my stomache and I threw up. When you throw up in school they make you go home. I didnt get to go.

So scared and so nervous. Self consious to the end.

I have job interviews tomorrow and instead of getting a good nights rest im laying here with my mind going. Not that this is what has my mind going. My mind has been going. It never really stops, but lately it has been spinning in dangerous directions.

Orange County is no good for souls like mine or people like me. For those of us that like to lable bullshit there is just too much to handle out here.

And then we realize that we were never given, or more so never picked up on our own, the ways to properly express our anger with it all.

So once again to just watch tv as my gears spin me off in bad directions.